Hello, it’s me. Your friendly neighborhood part time writer (ish?) and full time human being. At least I am pretty sure that’s the case, in terms of the human being part. Life does seem to be trying to convince us that we are all characters in some truly dramatic (and poorly written) fiction right now.
Currently, the apocalypse is occurring outside my window… Both in the COVID-19 way the world is experiencing but also in the torrential rain and thunder that reverberates down your spine way. I LOVE a good thunderstorm, though the current rain does seem like a cosmic joke when getting out for fresh air is the only means of escape we have from our homes at the moment.
My mom has gifted me a desk. This simple sentence brings me more joy than I can possibly express. I have not had a real desk for the better part of a decade and even then it was that piece of my college furniture that served more as a resting place for books, sweatshirts, and sundry nonsense than it did as a useful writing surface. I already love this small wood structure an unreasonable amount and have great plans for its physical improvement (someone did this beautiful piece the disservice of “up-cycling” and painting its ornate solid oak surface a “shabby chic” distressed and dusty baby blue with seashell motif knobs – not exactly my style but there is a lot of scope for the imagination when it comes to putting it all to rights again). A writer needs a desk, and this one, with its current imperfections, is a reflection of the writer in question; a work in progress, as it were. Continue reading “Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise”→
The birds and the bees, fascinating right? No, you perv, get your head out of the gutter. I am speaking of the literal, not the figurative… Nature, it’s awesome. I feel most at peace when I get to walk through rustling trees, sit on a jetty and listen to the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore, lay in a hammock and feel the breeze, or stop and smell every single flower and revel in their colors and intricacies…
I find myself frequently seeking the company of “alternative” living things, instead of people (no offense, it’s an introvert thing). Within these spaces and circumstances, I can feel entirely myself. I don’t have to worry about garnering the attention of people who will potentially judge me, I can just be. I really have come to the conclusion that this is why I like plants and animals so much… Even if they are judging me, I wouldn’t really know (#introvertproblems).
Ruminations as I sit and watch Clue, one of the best movies in the entire world, after having passed out candy to the neighborhood kids. This movie is perfect for Halloween celebrations and an ideal complement to The Addams Family, which I watched earlier this week. Now I just need to watch Young Frankenstein and I am set!
[Theme song for this post: “Spinning” – Jack’s Mannequin]
It’s ridiculous how often I am the Neville Longbottom of this story (though if that means Matthew Lewis wants to chill with me, I would be the last person to complain). I guess it’s appropriate that I went to Chestnut Hill College since we are pretty much only famous for looking like Hogwarts. This operating theory is based, mostly, on the fact that I would literally forget my feet if I didn’t need them to walk away from the other things I am likely forgetting. I have lists upon lists to get myself through the day. I make lists of the lists I need to make. I schedule time, on my calendar, for the making of all of these said lists. I also set alarms to remember that it’s time to take care of the action items that are on the lists. Without these quadruple measures I would literally be lost. I am not even sure that my friends know exactly how scattered I am because I try so desperately hard to appear like an adult who can maintain some kind of organized lifestyle (and let’s face it, if I was supposed to tell them, I probably forgot to put it on the list). And STILL sometimes things fall through the cracks. So, here I am writing it out, for the whole world to see (like the Wicked Witch with her broom stick and sky writing – witchcraft all exists in the same universe right?):
So… the first thing I have had to address in using my personal stitch cutter to delicately separate my life from the one I had aligned myself with over the past decade is establishing the things over which I have a full hold and vested interest, and which ones I need to either dismiss or reclaim based on the one-third of my life which is now, for lack of a better term, of the very aggressively and decided past. For example, I want to reclaim Iceland, the place of our honeymoon, because it was actually a transformative experience for me personally. It was the first time, in years, that I felt like a normal person because I had finally taken control of my mental health and decided to begin a regime of medication. So, Iceland was a world and experience lived in color again… a world which, despite my best efforts previously, had finally regained some scope and depth, one in which I could actually feel hope and happiness rather than trying to make myself rationally reach those outcomes through aggressive mental calisthenics. I associate this amazing change with one of the most important events a couple can experience, a celebration of “the happiest day” a couple will plan and execute. I assume you see the conundrum? Yes, I did something for the betterment of my relationship (not being depressed as all hell) but it was also for me that I made that change. That is how I now need to approach every thing that has become an aspect of my life because of the influence of that *other* person I, apparently mistakenly, chose to call my love.