Adventure

Human

[Human” – Rag’n’Bone Man]

This is an image of my favorite wall in Fishtown. It’s at the corner of Hancock St. and Cecil B. Moore Ave. Whenever I have one of my lovely couch surfing evenings with my Fishtown friends, I make a habit of parking nearby so that I can watch and appreciate the artistic changes over time. I am a close follower of Philly street artists. Unlike murals (as much as I love those too), wheatpaste posters, plaster installations, and stickers are more at the mercy of the elements. These art pieces are readily subject to destruction and are therefore, largely, temporary. For that I appreciate them all the more. Not only do I appreciate them for their short-lived nature, but I also admire how they subtly beautify and funkify the ordinary into something worth noting. Something extraordinary. Mail boxes, defunct telephone booths, crumbling walls, chain link fences, bus stops, etc. They all benefit from these little accents created by artists who are truly talented and enthusiastic about their craft.

Continue reading “Human”

Nerd-isms · Self Improvement

The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf

It seems that it’s around this time during the month that not only do I feel obligated to write again, but I feel the words bouncing and tearing around inside me looking to ricochet across a broader space than my mere insides can provide. They want the room to roam and be free, so here I am yet again.

That being said, I come to you today with a literary title rather than a musical one*: The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf by Gerald Morris.

*To be honest, and despite what it may seem with my running title theme, in the war for my affections, it’s often hard to tell if music or literature is winning. There are worse situations to be in.  Continue reading “The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf”
Adventure · Self Improvement

I Ain’t Done (Being Young)*

[I Ain’t Done” – Louis Barabbas & The Bedlam Six]
*I should have posted this earlier, but since this is my birth-month I hope you kind people will allow me a pass. It’s been a busy week in the most spectacular way possible.

Ladies and gents, I am now 28 years old. As of Monday, 3/19/18, I have entered my 29th year of life. My dudes, I am getting old. But, as they say, age is just a number right? Just an arbitrary counting system to assign a numerical value and therefore more coherent concept to the passage of time and, outside of the body’s obvious physical trek, upon each human’s progress through existence. “Growing old is mandatory and growing up is optional” as they say but there has to be some sort of comfortable balance I can reach, right? Somewhere between young/feckless and old/immovable.

Continue reading “I Ain’t Done (Being Young)*”

Silliness

Sadie Hawkins Dance

[“Sadie Hawkins Dance” – Relient K]
Or

Ladies Choice for Laughter 

I am struggling today. I don’t truly know why and it doesn’t truly matter. This is a well worn feeling and it’s not something to worry about overall. More importantly, the world is struggling right now. There is so much hate and bile being spit across genders, races, political leanings, sides in the toilet paper placement war, pineapple on pizza aficionados… The list is endless. Sometimes, you just need to laugh. So, today, rather than sharing the self important drivel that I usually spout (yes, yes, I know, it’s important to talk it out… I am allowed to feel, blah, blah, blah…) I’d love to share some of my favorite things and hopefully elicit a laugh (this time, not at my expense). I hope one of the myriad things below makes you smile… they have been helping me recently and I just felt the need to share the love and laughter. Continue reading “Sadie Hawkins Dance”

Anxiety and Depression · Thoughts

Tough to Be a Dreamer

[“Tough to be a Dreamer” – Felix Hagan and the Family]

I am a fervent dreamer, or at least, I have been in the past. I dream of happy endings; of love, adventures, and success. But recently, my happy endings have disappeared, replaced with deeply suspicious heroines and heroes who end up being betrayed or avoiding risk in favor of comfort…

Dear reader, I am writing, after too long an absence, as one such heroine because I have found myself becoming tired of hearing my own voice. I want to help spread hope and smiles; I want to show those in a similar situation that there is a solid chance for better days; I want to hold my flag of independence high, as I, fearless and free, lead an army of the beautifully broken.

But, instead of being this emblem of hope, I am experiencing some serious existential pain both helped and hindered by the coming of 2018 and the stereotypical ruminations that this time of year inspires. Despite my fatigue with the emotional inferno burning inside of me, I have to get the words and pain out somehow. I have been hiding myself away in the hope that if I ignore the pain, it will go away. But, as my amazing father always says, “Hope is not a valid strategy.” So, here I am.

Essentially, I have been half-assing my bravery, and this just will not, cannot, stand.  Continue reading “Tough to Be a Dreamer”

Lifestyle · Nerd-isms

The Wrote and the Writ

[“The Wrote and the Writ” – Johnny Flynn]

It’s been a while since I posted. While life, uh, finds a way… Life also, uh, gets in the way (most of the time in the best possible way!). I’m not going to apologize for having one. Besides, this is my therapy and I’ll write if I want to (don’t take my words as too defiant, I missed being here)!

Continue reading “The Wrote and the Writ”

Nerd-isms · Silliness · Thoughts

Golden Dandelions

[“Golden Dandelions” – Barns Courtney]

The birds and the bees, fascinating right? No, you perv, get your head out of the gutter. I am speaking of the literal, not the figurative… Nature, it’s awesome. I feel most at peace when I get to walk through rustling trees, sit on a jetty and listen to the sound of the ocean crashing against the shore, lay in a hammock and feel the breeze, or stop and smell every single flower and revel in their colors and intricacies…

I find myself frequently seeking the company of “alternative” living things, instead of people (no offense, it’s an introvert thing). Within these spaces and circumstances, I can feel entirely myself. I don’t have to worry about garnering the attention of people who will potentially judge me, I can just be. I really have come to the conclusion that this is why I like plants and animals so much… Even if they are judging me, I wouldn’t really know (#introvertproblems).

Continue reading “Golden Dandelions”

Relationships · Self Improvement

Retaking my World

So… the first thing I have had to address in using my personal stitch cutter to delicately separate my life from the one I had aligned myself with over the past decade is establishing the things over which I have a full hold and vested interest, and which ones I need to either dismiss or reclaim based on the one-third of my life which is now, for lack of a better term, of the very aggressively and decided past. For example, I want to reclaim Iceland, the place of our honeymoon, because it was actually a transformative experience for me personally. It was the first time, in years, that I felt like a normal person because I had finally taken control of my mental health and decided to begin a regime of medication. So, Iceland was a world and experience lived in color again… a world which, despite my best efforts previously, had finally regained some scope and depth, one in which I could actually feel hope and happiness rather than trying to make myself rationally reach those outcomes through aggressive mental calisthenics. I associate this amazing change with one of the most important events a couple can experience, a celebration of “the happiest day” a couple will plan and execute. I assume you see the conundrum? Yes, I did something for the betterment of my relationship (not being depressed as all hell) but it was also for me that I made that change. That is how I now need to approach every thing that has become an aspect of my life because of the influence of that *other* person I, apparently mistakenly, chose to call my love.

Continue reading “Retaking my World”