As I believe is made evident by my writing here—sharing my hurts and feelings—I am a fairly open person. In fact, I believe openness and the ability to empathize are my two best personality traits. That being said, I also am a bundle of flaws who realizes that perfection is an aspirational state of being, not a reality. Therefore, I pride myself on being an incredibly forgiving person who understands that flaws are inherent and can sometimes come out, despite best efforts. This combination of beliefs means that I rarely hold real grudges and therefore I hold no real regrets. I thoroughly believe that everything is a learning experience and I can rationalize myself out of most anger. Actually being angry makes me feel nauseous, like my body is literally trying to physically reject the emotional experience. I may become frustrated easily on occasion but I let it go just as quickly. I try, adamantly, to go with the flow and spread good vibes in my wake. Continue reading “Whatever Forever”
[Theme song for this post: “Broken Bones and Pocket Change” – St. Paul and the Broken Bones]
Young Love has made me old,
Tired, restless, and blue…
I’m not going to lie. This bravery thing isn’t for wimps (and I am speaking as a newly recovering wimp). It hurts and it’s hard and quite frankly, lately, I am struggling. Specifically today. I am not struggling for any particular reason, nothing monumental happened, nothing has changed. It’s just… There. I’d love for someone to swoop in and just erase it all because I hurt in every corner of my soul and today I am having less success being optimistic than I have in the recent past.
The thing is, I don’t want to have to be brave. I want to be happy… And if not happy, I want to bitch, whine, complain, cry, throw a temper tantrum, scream, cry some more, and hope that some form of the free flowing childishness emanating from my body will take away the deep seated ache—the weight that has been pulling me down to floor level so why the hell shouldn’t I lie there and wallow in it for a bit?
Continue reading “Broken Bones and Pocket Change”
[Theme song for this post: “Spinning” – Jack’s Mannequin]
It’s ridiculous how often I am the Neville Longbottom of this story (though if that means Matthew Lewis wants to chill with me, I would be the last person to complain). I guess it’s appropriate that I went to Chestnut Hill College since we are pretty much only famous for looking like Hogwarts. This operating theory is based, mostly, on the fact that I would literally forget my feet if I didn’t need them to walk away from the other things I am likely forgetting. I have lists upon lists to get myself through the day. I make lists of the lists I need to make. I schedule time, on my calendar, for the making of all of these said lists. I also set alarms to remember that it’s time to take care of the action items that are on the lists. Without these quadruple measures I would literally be lost. I am not even sure that my friends know exactly how scattered I am because I try so desperately hard to appear like an adult who can maintain some kind of organized lifestyle (and let’s face it, if I was supposed to tell them, I probably forgot to put it on the list). And STILL sometimes things fall through the cracks. So, here I am writing it out, for the whole world to see (like the Wicked Witch with her broom stick and sky writing – witchcraft all exists in the same universe right?):
Continue reading “Spinning”
This is a song for anyone with a broken heart
This is a song for anyone who can’t get out of bed
I’ll do anything to be happy
Oh, ’cause blue skies are coming
But I know that it’s hard
–Noah and the Whale
I’d recommend hitting play on some of these videos as you work your way through this post. These songs, among many others, have been another of the anchoring truths I have clung to during this time of, shall we say, transition. Those of you who know me well, will not be surprised by how much music has meant to me over the past two months. Music, regardless of the situation, is vital to me… But I find in times of strife it can be one of the most effective catalysts toward healing.
Continue reading “Music Therapy”